Have you been dumped recently?  Had things go sour with a budding romance? If this has happened on a small, cloistered college campus, you are already too aware of the fact that you will be running into this person again and again.  However, even in large cities where anonymity is treasured, flocks of single young people tend to cluster in the same neighborhoods, hang out at the same bars and coffee shops and even mail letters out of the same post offices, which can make a city feel real small, real quick.  With this in mind, it is pretty easy to imagine running into that “ex” anytime, anywhere.  This imagination can quickly become extreme anxiety, hysteria, and even give rise to a shut-in lifestyle.  Now, many others might tell you “it’s all in your head”, or that you should “relax, s/he doesn’t want to run into you, either”, but in my experience this type of condolence does nothing to soothe deep-seated terror.  That is why I am advocating for a new method of dealing with such possible encounters, and that is to Be Prepared. If you want to look your best in front of someone who made you feel like shit, you must arm yourself with considerable confidence- and appearance-boosting props and tactics.

Today we begin our preparedness methodology with the Trophy technique:

Step 1: Procure the Largest Soccer Trophy you can find.  See if your little brother somehow made off with the team one from nationals. You can be sure your mom is ready to stop dusting it.

Step 2: Embellish.  Get the glue gun and give yourself an award.  This is not only useful for being prepared, but can serve as some excellent self-affirmation after a breakup.

Step 3: Carry this trophy around with youeverywhere.You never know when you might run into Mr. Horrible.